Daring to Love
During our Birthday and Christmas celebrations there was an explosion of HUGE proportion at the Mitchell house. With out going into the fine details, I will say I lost my temper, saw red and said some extremely horrible things to my husband (in front of my children and my family) that, while I don't remember what I said exactly, he does. And it wasn't pretty. For those of you that know me, you know I don't loose my temper like that. I don't scream and drop 'f' bombs ever! But this time I was pushed too far. Just to clarify, I have already sat my children and husband down and apologized for my outrageous behavior. I did explain to them that Mommy should have NEVER said those things to Daddy. Nor should I have lost my temper to the extreme that I did. Lucky for me, my parents did not hear it, and my children did not hear the exact words. (in fact they thought I said something so different they were really lost as to what I was yelling about.)
With that all being said, I of corse did some self reflecting, and prayed for some understanding as to why my husband could have been so horrible and pushed me so far causing me to explode (I hope some of you are catching on to the irony of what I just said). The answer I got really dropped me on my butt. It's a lesson that God has tried to teach me over and over and over again. And he is patient with me as I keep forgetting over and over and over again. This lesson kind of hit me like this, maybe it's not Matt. Maybe.... It's me. Yes, that stings because I so want it to be someone else's issue for once! But, it's not Matt. If Matt is one thing, it's consistent. I always know how he will react. Pretty much know what he is going to say or think about a situation before he says it. He too is patient with me as I learn over and over and over again my life lessons. (praise the Lord for that!)
During this time of self reflection it occurred to me that I need to work on being a better wife to my husband. I expect him to be a better husband, and really, but what kind of investment am I making in him? It seems being a wife has been bypassed for being a mother, and a pto chair person and a church member and well more things then I can count to volunteer for. I really have not tried to be a wife, but I expect Matt to be a husband, and a father AND support me in all of my activities. That's not real fair. So, I'm making an investment in my marriage. I'm taking the next few months to really focus on how I can be a better spouse. I'm not doing it alone. I'm walking down Gods path for this one. Many years ago when the movie Fireproof came out(a must see!! Kind if lacking in the acting part, but an amazing message)Matt and I got the Love Dare book and attempted to do it together. I forced him to do it with me, because he needed to treat me better (again the irony). I of corse did not need to do it, but he did so I did it with him to encourage him. Ya... And I wonder why it didn't work, or why we stopped doing it. I watched the movie again a few weeks ago, and God laid it on my heart to pick up the book again, and do it by myself this time. So, I am. I love my husband, and I think it's time I start treating him that way.
So here goes nothing! I love how the very first day (which I have read before mind you) states these three verses:
Always be humble and gentle. Be patient with each other, making allowance for each other's faults because of your love. (Ephesians 4:2 NLT)

See that no one pays back evil for evil, but always try to do good to each other and to all people. (1 Thessalonians 5:15 NLT)

Understand this, my dear brothers and sisters: You must all be quick to listen, slow to speak, and slow to get angry. (James 1:19 NLT)

Yep.... Wish I would have read these before my explosion!
Wish me luck folks! It's going to be an interesting journey.